On the Sorrowful Experiences that Seized the Apostle Peter after his Denial of Christ

By Saint Gennadius Scholarius

Saint Peter weeps at hearing the rooster crow

Introduction

The following work of Saint Gennadus Scholarius is not a sermon, but a reflection and expression of the bitter feelings that gripped the Apostle Peter when, after the night when the Savior gave Himself up to death for the redemption of the human race, he denied Him three times. With bitter feelings about his act, with repentance for his sin, the Apostle Peter does not lose hope that the Lord will forgive him. This work is, according to the definition of the publishers, “prosopopoeia,” that is, a personification, a well-known monologue inserted into the mouth of the Apostle Peter. The Greek Holy Fathers inherited prosopopoeia (personification) from the theatrical and poetic creativity of the Greek classics. We often meet this literary form with Saint John the Goldenmouth, with Saint Romanus the Melodist, with Saint Sophronius of Jerusalem, with Saint Gregory Palamas, and other authors, and especially the authors and poets of liturgical texts; An example of the same personification is the following work of Saint Gennadius.

This essay is preceded by a letter from the Athonite monk Lawrence to Patriarch Gennadius, and then by the answer to him. It would be a waste of time to quote the contents of these letters, because the reader will easily get acquainted with these two brief documents himself.

In spirit, the work of Saint Gennadius below is reminiscent of the kontakion by Saint Romanus the Melodist of the denial of the Apostle Peter. For the sake of comparison with the work of Scholarius, this kontakion is given as an addition immediately after his prosopopoeia.

A. Letter from Monk Lawrence to Patriarch Gennadius

Most holy and most divine patriarch, for me, in the Lord, a divinely inspired ruler, chief, and father; I pray to the all-good God that your great sanctuary prosper and be in good health and be in spiritual and bodily joy. My lord, although I am far away, I always have your greatest sanctuary in my heart and put the memory of you into the lot of the holiday, and there is not a day when the sweetness of the memory of you would not be like a holiday for me. I beg you, pray for me, the indecent and miserable one, so that the Lord has mercy on me. So, reading the holy Gospel, I found the expression that after Peter denied [Christ on the night of His betrayal], he “went out, weeping bitterly.” And I said in myself: what were the words that he spoke, mourning over his deed, so that I would mourn my soul, because every day by my evil deeds I [as it were] renounce Christ? Therefore, I turn to you and pray to your great sanctuary, according to the wisdom given to you from God, to work hard and write to me with what tears-filled words the wisest Peter could probably speak then, how he expressed his grief, what thoughts gave rise to his burning contrition, so that I too may be moved to mourn [for my transgressions], because I have become completely hard-hearted and incapable of contrition. And do not hesitate to give me his expressions of sorrow at length, so that, although late and with difficulty, you crush my insensible soul, and thereby receive a reward from God, and from me — prayer and gratitude.

Being the last among the clergy and your lowest son, Lawrence.

B. Answer of Patriarch Gennadius to Monk Lawrence

The least of all, Gennadius Scholarius, to the most honest and most reverend in the priestly monks and spiritual fathers Lawrence, who exists in the monastery of Dionysius on Holy Athos - rejoice in the Lord.

Most honest and reverend father and brother in Christ, having received your letter, in which you honored me with a commission, so that in some assumption and inscription we would tell you the deplorable lamentation of Blessed Peter, the luminary of the apostles, for good reasons, I immediately evaded fulfilling your request, of which the most respectful of reasons for moving away from this topic was that for someone who tries to portray this deplorable lamentation and repentance in the then-uniform fall of renunciation, it is necessary to be not completely far from the state of the soul and mind of Peter; but we are so far removed from it that it is impossible to express it, therefore we do not know how to grieve over our many sins, and do not grieve, but lead a carefree life, completely unaware of the benefit that comes from tears — and [such] is the answer to your demand sent to you through our brother Acacius, a sacred and God-loving soul. But now, moved by a different consideration, we fulfill your desire; because the evasion [from writing on this subject] should also be recognized and observed, but obedience should not be completely neglected. Based on this, we are sending you this present work, in which, according to your request, having studied the situation as far as possible, we present to you our assumption: what words could the blessed and luminary of the apostles Peter utter to himself, weeping bitterly after his third denial; but you, by virtue of the fulfillment of your request, in return give us a warm and constant prayer, flowing from love for our Lord Jesus Christ, so that, by granting us true repentance, contrition and sorrow, He would, through His sole love for mankind, resolve the guilt of many and great sins I have committed, by which we have bound ourselves, - doing so on the basis of His greatest mercy to us, as His gift to us. We hope that the great Foundation of the Church¹ will help your prayers for us: because he knows that, despite the fact that we are sinners, we always highly honor with great reverence and admiration his virtue and faith, which is very superior to nature, and in imitation of his Christ, his diligence for the salvation of the world, and the abundance of heavenly gifts on it.

Let’s repent!

Saint Peter weeping for his denial

C. The Personification (Prosopopoeia)

What words might the blessed Peter say to himself in his weeping after his denial.

1. Oh, how unhappy I am! Alas, what a terrible fall! Woe to me, what a sudden and most terrible betrayal! What a lack of will! Oh, how rightly the Lord abandoned me! Not so long ago, while catching fish, I stripped myself, laboring for temporary gain, observing a certain respect for God, Who gives everything; then I voluntarily stripped myself of my small possessions, and, leaving everything, followed Christ in the firm hope of greater and permanent benefits. And now I have certainly stripped myself of the true and eternal spiritual garment, voluntarily depriving myself of it. I have life itself, that being the true, and in the real meaning of the word, Life. I have lost His salvation. The Lord daily instructed me that one should lay down this temporary life for the sake of the salvation of one’s soul; but now, having loved this life, I have destroyed my soul. Alas, what happened to me? Alas, I have renounced my Lord, I have renounced the Savior of the world. He dies in a truly voluntary manner in order to vivify all, including me and everyone; but I, fearing death, renounced the Benefactor, Lord, and Judge. The Master changed my name from Simon to Peter and announced that He would build His Church on me; but I, like a husk, became terribly tossed about by the nasty wind of the evil one. Woe to me that I waited for the bird to become the teacher of my misfortunes, and the rooster to mark my fall. Now too late I remembered the Lord’s prediction, and after it came true, on my bitter experience, I, the unreasonable one, came to know Him. Oh, I should have tightly closed my mouth and not uttered this boasting and exalted myself above all the brothers, arguing that if they were tempted by the sufferings of the Teacher, I alone would remain not tempted; this boasting has become for me the cause of these evils; because I should rather say this: ‘Oh, my Lord, about the brothers, I do not know what to say, I only pray that they remain firmly in faith in Thee until death; but I, realizing my great negligence, pray that Thou lookest upon me, because only thanks to this will I be able to firmly stand in faith in Thee and in love for Thee.’ That’s what I should have said; however, until this happened, I was self-confident in my conviction, as it were, in my own good, and only on this alone did I build my faith and my steadfastness in faith; but without trust in God and the strength emanating from there, the human soul is weak, subject to change in many and different ways. So, on the basis of this, I should have asked for the strengthening of my pious conviction from there, from where I received it, accepting it at the beginning [but I did not do so] and the Lord immediately predicted to me that I was the only one who boasted that I would not be offended, but alone of all I will deny Him, and I will do it thrice, and as a sign of this my thrice folly gave me the crow of a rooster. Yes, because of this prediction, I should immediately humble myself and stay in a more modest way of thinking; but I, as it seems, carefully follow what will happen, besides John, with others, and follow rather from attention to my boasting and confirming it, than trembling before this threat of the Master and taking care of myself; because if I remembered it well, if I trembled as I should, I would not have renounced.
2. But is it possible that this should not be called “renunciation,” but rather avoidance and evasion of danger? - No, this is truly a “renunciation” because, as once, being questioned, I answered the Master Himself: “Thou art the Christ, the Son of God,” so now I said to the unbelievers and His crucifiers: “I do not know this man.” Not only did I said that I did not know Him, but I also said that He is a simple man; and although I do not think so, yet my tongue condemns me; for both the confession that He is our Lord, and the renunciation of Him, He rightly determined either reward or retribution. Why not call it a renunciation, when He, who foresaw and foretold it, Himself called it that? Perhaps I will say [that I did this] to show that the Lord was more right than me? Because if I didn’t renounce, it means that He was not right [in saying that I would renounce]. And according to that, I showed that He was right. However, He did not say this so that I would do what was said by deed, nor did I do this deed in order to show His rightness. He foretold this terrible thing because He knew I would do it; it was this work of mine that was the cause of His miraculous prediction; because not as the future He knew it, but as already accomplished. Therefore, not for the sake of fulfilling this prediction, nor even fully realizing how terrible it is, but rather I did it in a kind of frenzy from myself and in madness; but the rooster informed me that I had fallen, and fully reminded me of the Lord’s prediction. And if the Lord had not predicted to me the terrible deed that I have to do, then now this prediction would not have increased my sin even more , because despite the fact that it was predicted for me, I was not saved.
3. Alas, what a disaster! What streams of tears will be sufficient for its magnitude? How many beatings in the chest? What kind of head hits on the ground? But even this is now impossible to do, being among enemies, but my love for the Lord prevents me from leaving and going into the desert, again; because I do not want to be completely deprived of these wonderful sights, but I want to see close up the completion of the awesome Dispensation [the mystery of the Redemption of the human race]; after this, all the time will be at my disposal for mourning the disaster that has befallen me. Because I renounced not out of unbelief, but out of love for this life; if I firmly believe, then I will soon accept joy: because He will rise again, as He often said, and, appearing, He will rejoice us and replace the cup of sorrow with a much larger cup of pleasure. But I am afraid, that these objects of pleasure will not happen to me to taste together with the brethren, over whom I have placed myself higher in fidelity to the Lord, but for me the cup of sorrow has increased, judged in a calamitous way to be unworthy to participate in joy; now they are hiding, waiting to see the completion of these wonderful things, truly wonderful in their greatness, but not unexpected; because our Lord daily announced them to us and strengthened our conviction. So, they are only hiding, but I clearly renounced Him, since even then they were silent, aware of human weakness and being completely unable to show courage, and I emptied the inner poison of self-conceit with my tongue; and now they have preserved their tongue along with their soul, but I, who by my position still remain with Christ and intend to remain with Him to the end, have separated myself from Him with my tongue. Oh, unfortunate Simon (because I will no longer call myself “Peter,” judging myself unworthy of the name given to me by the Master), because through cowardice you have lost the hardness of the stone, but oh, if only you had your former name confirmed: therefore that like Simon you were noble and submissive when you immediately responded to the Master’s call, abandoning all your property, and even until now you have been with Him. Alas for you now that even in your position you can no longer dare: because how can you declare that you love Christ when you did not want to lay down your soul for Him? No one has greater love than to lay down his soul for his beloved: Our Lord Himself thus defined perfect love. If the enemies of the Truth use your renunciation as a pretext for joy, then the Truth Itself will not sympathize with you as a friend who has ruined himself by the loss of love for Him; because it was not for His own sake, of course, that you had to endure this sorrow; because you did not consider it your duty to love Him so truly as to be ready to die for Him, and, having shaken His glory from yourself, you did not harm it, but it was in your power to receive benefit if you valiantly wished, and now, when you went the wrong way, you suffered harm.
4. But why do you continue to weep bitterly, reasoning and wisely examining the situation? Why do you shed streams of tears from your eyes while thinking about it, and before that, from your heart? You will constantly die if evil remains invincible in you, and you will be tormented by this forever, when it will not be possible to find any remedy to heal your wound; no matter what happens now, put aside crying for a while and think about where to find a cure: is it possible to find a way to correct what has been done, hoping only for the great love of the Lord, and do not allow yourself to despair, thinking only about the deprivation of goods that has befallen you, and without hoping and without seeking whether it is possible to be liberated from these disasters. So, let this become the subject of my research, useful for those who have come to their senses a little from pain, and, either I should look for the brethren with good hopes and take advantage of their advice, while confessing to them my fall, and together with them expect the fulfillment of promises, or, when I have already lost my title, I should not retreat from faith in Christ, but I should close this body of mine into the caves of the earth and starve and thirst it because out of love for it and for the temporary life existing in it, I inclined to to preferring her to love for my Lord. Yes, I must appeal to the most common Savior and seek advice from Him in what I should do, and give a respite to tears at the moment.
5. O, Christ the King! O, Source of mercy! O, now crucified in the body voluntarily, but existing everywhere in the Divine, and this salvation of the world, which Thou hast built long ago, miraculously now accomplishing, hear now me, who hast denied Thee three times, which Thou knewest before from Thy divine foreknowledge; Now not only have I renounced Thee, but I must also suffer punishment, equal in all respects to those who renounce; deeds are judged according to their final result, and how didst Thou not count the harlot’s long-term deviation from God’s will and her attachment to evil lust as guilt, when she brought to Thee complete repentance and Thou, seeing that divine love had already begun to bear fruit in her, Thou didst accept and forgive her, and [on the contrary] those who, after long-term devotion to Thee, retreat from Thee and by deed themselves move away from Thy love, Thou shalt count as having never been truly devoted to Thee, and this is completely fair. So, I confess that I am a renouncer of Thy glory and, right up to the present time, a refugee from the love that dwells within me for Thee. Accept me among the repentant (because Thou didst not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance); My fall in itself is so great that it will not allow any repentance and hopes flowing from it; because I must now look not only at Thy mercy, but also at the requirement of Thy fair treatment of me; because, behold, even from among those who only once heard Thee teaching the word of truth, many believed and were established and would readily die for Thee if time calls, and will indeed die when the time comes for the fulfillment of Thy promises, for the fulfillment of which Thou camest into the world; and I have been with Thee inseparably from the time Thou callest me in order to show me Thy benefit, I became a participant not only in Thy general teachings, but also in those that Thou teachest in a special way, many times greater and more Divine, which Thou revealest to the chosen ones Thy disciples, calling the simple and illiterate to participate in heavenly wisdom and immediately giving them the power to become involved in it in a wonderful way. But who could list the mercies with which Thou hast bestowed upon all Thy disciples in general and each of them individually? But instead of all this, alas, I renounced, and after this can I dare in the hope of repentance? Woe is me, and many times: woe is me! And again the longing of my heart grows in me, and tears flow bitterly, and I, taking into account the excessiveness of my fall, fear that complete dumbness will take possession of me; Holding back the crying for a while, I return to it again.
6. What I have done is worthy of unceasing tears, my Lord, Christ, if on the basis of Thine invincible philanthropy I happen to receive forgiveness, yet by the memory of my renunciation, by remorse of conscience, I will crush my soul; and above all, I pray for Thy mercy: prolong my life, so that, being in a state of this so great and terrible fall, I would not give my soul; because if my prayer will be fulfilled, then there is some hope that the rest will be corrected; because Thine announcements that have now come to my memory regarding my squalor, which Thou announcest after my confession [that Thou art the Son of the living God], console me now; boldly I say: Thou then callest me “blessed” and added the reason for the satisfaction: “ for flesh and blood hath not revealed it unto thee, but my Father which is in heaven.” If this is the work of the Father, then it is Thy work, which Thou then revealest. So, if I was then worthy of this revelation, being spiritually blind and unworthy of such great Mysteries, and as a result of this revelation I was blessed, then now I am perplexed (and forgive me, Jesus, Thou that lovest mankind), how didst Thou allow my mind to be darkened by cowardice and I become the most unfortunate instead of blessed? And if then I was worthy of the revelation of that which exceeds everything and which surpasses every human mind and word, then why have I not now been tempered by Thy grace, so that for Thy sake and for the sake of Truth I should be ready to rush to death? I still remember how Thou sayest that Thou and the Church Thou shalt build on me, for the sake of which Thou becamest man, in order to beautifully build it, the seed of the Church, in heaven, from here to there the beautiful fruits of piety will be transferred. Thou also promised me the keys of the Kingdom of Heaven, so that I might be able, strengthened by Thy power, to loose what was bound by prudent and merciful permission from bonds, and to bind what was loosed by prudent and just bonds. Shall all this be lost as a result of my present madness? And again, how can these pronouncements concerning me be fulfilled and result in a work, me, who, instead of a foundation befitting such great blessings, has replaced such a foundation with the most terrible renunciation of Thee and Thy Truth? Alas for me, and how can I endure and how can I not be torn apart, again examining the magnitude of the evil I have done, and this - when compared with Thy good deeds shown to me? But now, when the tears have subsided a little, I should go to the goal ahead. So, if none of these blessings are already possible for me, who through my own fault became such and madly excluded myself from the inheritance of such great happiness, then at least do not let me be subject to eternal torment in hell and be condemned along with those who deny Thee, by only Thy mercy granting this to me, who immediately repents now and unceasingly breaks my heart with the memory of my sin, and show me among Thy sheep, whom Thou hast pity on. It is worthy for me to be freed from eternal torment, because I will forever be cut off from Thy love; if it be given to me to be among the gatekeepers of Thy kingdom, then forever I will sing of Thy mercy and cherish it in my soul, being freed from the bonds that are on me, according to Thy justice; and as if counted among the blessed, so I will live with insatiable pleasure.
7. But perhaps, O Christ and Son of God, Thou shalt grant to me what Thou hast promised, and how, in spite of everything, He who had to give promised it; because not in the form of a debt and not in the form of a reward, and not as someone worthy to receive, but Thou intendest to give as a free gift also that which, prepared before all ages, is known only to Thee and to Him who sent Thee into the world, Thou co-essential with Thy Father; and although it is possible for Thee to silence me and separate from me and now pronounce the corresponding condemnation of my soul, the awareness of which I came too late, nevertheless, Thou hast allowed that, as a result of the weakness of my will, which Thou knewest, as a greater benefit for my soul. It is possible that even though Thou desireth me to live and serve Thy proclamations, Thou didst not encourage insolence [of my boasting], but allowed me to flee out of fear, and this is so that I would not think highly of myself despite Thy great, wonderful gifts, humbled by the memory of this fall, and on the basis of this would be more merciful to those who stumble among those who hold on to Thee and faith in Thee, and when they repent, wouldst not refuse them Thy forgiveness; and now, according to Thy love for mankind alone. Thou shalt release me from retribution for my fall, and then the fulfillment of these predicted things will follow, so that Thou dost confirm both of Thy predictions regarding my deeds. In making this conclusion, I look around carefully, pressed by the great demands of love and fear; I still do not dare in my soul to believe that I will be forgiven, and, again, I am afraid that if I become confident in this, I might again climb another steep slope of arrogance, as happened to me before; Thou alone knowest reality and show it. But I say only and promise Thee, O most merciful Doctor of human souls, for this sake who came into this world and became a participant in our nature without the inherent sinfulness that has become inherent in it, that if indeed there is such a certain greatest and surpassing all mind mercy, according to Thy destiny, is placed in in relation to me, the least of all, and now, alas, having renounced, then I will live with the constant memory of this sin of mine, and if Thou dost bring help to me, then from now on I will not count any good (virtue) for myself, balancing (comparing) after this, with all diligence, with the weight of my renunciation, so that more out of necessity than out of my own desire, I will be humble and, intending to live concentratedly only in myself, I will not observe the mistakes of others, but when Thou so commandest, arrange everything necessary for them; I will show myself more merciful to those who have sinned - it would be better to say: to those who repent — than to those who judge strictly, doing so out of competition with Thy merciful love for mankind, which Thou hast shown not only in relation to all people and will show even more, moreover, united with them , but especially of all - in relation to me. At the same time, having yielded to the simpletons - slaves and women, I, out of fear and terrible foolishness, pretended that I did not know Thee, my Lord and Benefactor, and thus alienated myself from the ranks of my brothers and fellow practitioners; Having continued to live and having received Thy support in everything, I will object to tyrants and kings, fighting for Thy glory and sowing the word of truth everywhere, and I will count my life and flesh as nothing. And although earlier I promised, if the need arose, to die with Thee, and did not keep my promise, now I grieve about this and am sick, and, repenting of my crazy flight, I again take on this promise - what if, being protected by Thee, I will safely live until the onset of many persecutions, then now, if I have to die for Thy name, then, strengthened by Thee, I will accept death with great joy. Finally, I pray to Thee: oh, if only it were granted to me with a joyful soul to accept death for Thy sake! And I don’t dare promise this, as it depends entirely on myself, for fear of this steepness (conceit), and I will teach everyone else to follow my path in the future. This I promise, inspired by Thy grace, if I am destined to live and not be deprived of these wonderful gifts and not be rejected from the society of my brothers, even if, by Thy permission, I am now subjected to educational punishment for my benefit and for the benefit of many others. If all that remains for me is only repentance, then I will continue to cry, as I said above, in some far corner of the earth, silently mourning my folly, and in every way I will oppress my flesh, which has robbed my mind and therefore become the cause of such great evils for me, but even giving myself to this, I will still hold on to my hope in Thee.
8. But, O Christ Jesus, the Son of God, and man for our sake, and now for our sake, glorified by Thy will, rather than dishonored, by these Passions - if Thou hast not completely abandoned me, instruct my heart now: show me: which of these two paths do you want me to go, and which of them reveals to me the hope of salvation and a happy ending; and now instruct me in this, because, as Thou hast promised, on the third day Thou shalt appear, and Thy disciples, remaining in place, expect to see Thee or be instructed in what they must do. So, if Thou dost instruct me even now, when the time hurries to this, then to be with the brethren and dwell with them will greatly comfort me, as already forgiven in my fall according to Thy great love for mankind, and I will immediately be with them, and we will be together. Let us accomplish Thy will at Thy command and with Thy help; but if Thou inspirest me with the obligation to follow another path - the path of only repentance, then I will kiss this path with joy. Instruct only, O King, instruct: console my distressed soul; reveal to me what is Thy will; do not deprive me of Thine abundant grace. So, I am already silent and close my eyes and turn my mind only to Thee, waiting for an instruction from Thee.
9. Glory to Thy philanthropy, Christ, the King of Heaven, that Thou didst not disregard my prayer: because Thou inspirest me and commands me to join the brethren, thus giving me the opportunity to firmly hope also concerning other things, and for the fact that I recently terribly denied Thee, Thou shalt appear as a confessor in due time. So, at Thy command, I will return to Thy disciples and, living together with the Apostles, we will wait together for Thy command; but I will try to put into action the promises I have now made, expressed in short words, with Thine enlightenment and guidance, and with Thy strengthening of my weakness. Amen.

Saint Peter weeps for his denial

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1. This refers to the Apostle Peter